Dear teenage & young adult me, There is so much I want to tell you. If only I could somehow deliver this letter back in time and make sure you read it, so many things would have turned out differently. There is so much I wish you could understand at your age. I know you think you know it all, but trust me you have so much left to learn. Life is so much more than you think it will be. All those plans, those dreams, as amazing as they are. None of them workout the way they’re suppose too. And that’s okay because it all turns out better than you have planned. I know right now what you’re feeling. What you’ve been feeling since you were around 14 and what sometimes you’re still feeling, yet hide from others. Confusion, frustration, hurt, anger, you’re lost. Remember your feelings are valid, and you don’t have to hide them. Though we know you will, because what good is a picture without a smile right? Alcohol really makes those smiles appear doesn't it? Please know you don't always have to drink to have fun and be happy. It's okay to deal with your feelings once in a while. Can I also remind you; your worth is not found in your size? That fitting into a size 2-4 jean isn’t all there is to life and you’re slowly ruining your body just to achieve that. And take that dramatic eye roll away, because I truly mean it. You’re killing yourself slowly, and for what? The approval of others? Trust me, in 10 years their opinions won’t matter. I’m also here to tell you it’s not your fault you didn’t carry full term, that there is a reason, a beautiful, stunning, life changing reason that you couldn’t carry. That as sad, and heartbreaking as it was, and still is right now, it makes you that much more appreciative of what is to come. You will never get the answers you’re looking for, but you’ll begin to understand in little ways, why God chose to take yours back. And while I have your attention, can we also address your choices in boys? And your choices in general while you’re trying to find yourself? You’re going to meet a few who teach you some amazing lessons, who in those moments truly cared and truly loved you, for you. Cherish them for the season they’re in your life and appreciate all they teach you. And don’t hate me when I say this but you’ll screw up each chance with them. And you’ll live to tell the story, though at that moment, you didn’t think you’d live to see another day. You'll also equally meet a lot that will teach you some horrible lessons. I know they will all say they care. And I know they will all say you can trust them. Can I send you a big warning, you CAN’T and you shouldn’t. And if given the chance which you'll be given many, PLEASE walk the other way. I mean you should’ve walked away the minute he started telling you what size you had to be, to be seen with him, how you had to look, how you had to dress, right down to what colour your hair had to be. We both know those red flags should’ve made you run sweetheart. Yet we both know he was just the tip of the iceberg of choices you could’ve avoided, wasn’t he? And right now, I can tell you’re probably rolling your eyes again, because we both know how your heart works. You’re too forgiving at this point in your life, and you’re just looking for something, anything, regardless of how it looks to others around you. Can I just let you know in on a little secret? They’re not in it for you. I get that is shocking to hear, but please take off your blinders, it’s not you they want. They don’t actually care. Harsh I know, but you’ll survive. To them you’re just another number in their phone who answers anytime they call. Don't make yourself that girl. You don’t need to be that girl, the party girl, the go to girl, the one who is always picking up the pieces and covering for everyone else girl. Seriously you’re going to crash and burn, when it ends, and it WILL end. I’m just here to say it is not pretty. The aftermath of picking up all those pieces you thought you had so perfectly fitted together will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. But another small reminder, if you so choose to ignore my advice which I know you will. Do not let the mistakes you make define you. Do not let anyone define you. Period. Do not let anyone call you names, or look down on you for the choices you made. You’re more than your mistakes and it’s okay if you make them! Life is about learning and growing, regardless of the way you choose to do it. In between all the chaos in your life, you’re going to meet your forever. I wish you had opened your eyes and met him sooner, but alas here we are. Give it your all, let go of that past, all. of. it. Let go of all those insecurities, about yourself and about relationships in general. And jump in with two feet. He will challenge you; he will push you to become better, he will be the best thing that ever happens to you. The life in which you build together will surpass any expectations you had. You’ll become best friends, and before you know it you won’t remember life without him by your side. You’ll raise a horse, a dog and a daughter with this man. You’ll make a house into a home with this man. And that’s only the beginning of all you will take on together. Above all else, I promise you, that you will make it out. You will make it through all the bad, all the hard times, all the times you thought you wouldn’t and it will be beautiful. I’m not going to lie there will be tears, heartbreak, and a lot of questions as to why, but you will survive and it is pure magic when you see the end result of all your hardships. Don’t let life harden you, remember who your parents and grandparents raised you to be. Cherish every moment you can with family, all too quickly those moments will become memories. And remember every day to wake up, and love yourself. You are worth all the love you so freely give to others. You are not your mistakes, and you are not your past, so please stop living there. Release it and know God see’s you, loves you and cares for you, the real you and He’s working all things out for the better. Sincerely with love, an older, wiser version of you xoxo Ps. You're a good friend, daughter, wife and mom, regardless of your past, how you dress or how you choose to raise your family. Stop doubting, stop comparing and embrace every single second of your beautiful, incredible life.
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